Thursday, June 21, 2012
Since Joshua died I have been finding it difficult to cope. North has written a lot about this, he has already mentioned my fitts and violence during this time. Until he stepped in front of me that last time, I had not actually realized what I was doing, I had not thought I was hurting anyone other than myself. But when I lashed out at North, I realized that I was putting him in danger, too. While I was dealing with my guilt he was suffering, haveing to deal with the monster and myself. I had almost forgotten why we were always moving, why we couldn't stay still. I have started thinking again, andI realize that even if I can't save my son there are many others who could still use the help, who still ned it. I'm not sure where I will go from here, but I realize now that I need to do something. I need a new focus.