Wednesday, May 9, 2012

About Joshua

He's dead, and it's my fault. I should have been able to protect him, to shelter him, but I couldn't. Because of me he sought out death, I have been a horible father.

Joshua is, was, my son, he was the only thing left in my life that I cared about, and I failed him. From the very beggining I was a failure, I wasn't there for him. When he was young, while he grew up I was in prison, a criminal. That was all I ever was for him, all I was ever able to be. Fifteen years for Grand Larceny in the Second Degree. They didn't even catch me at my worst crimes, but it was still enough to put me in jail, for my sons entire childhood. Amanda never forgave me. I knew she wouldn't, not with Joshua there, to see what a failure his father was, to see the follies of my crime. But I always loved them both, as best I could, and so the first thing I did when I got out was try to find them.

I tracked them down, it took weeks to do without violateing parole, but I found them.

It was too late.

Amanda was dead. I found where they were staying and as soon as I entered the apratment I saw her body, what was left of it anyways. She had been ripped apart, and Joshua was just standing there, alone. I made him tell me what happened, about the monser. How it hunted them, and how it killed my wife.

So I took my son and we ran. I tried to teach him how to survive, but he didn't trust me. We had been barely moveing for more than a month when he told me he could not run with me any longer. We fought, he was angry, he thought because I had not seen the monster like he had that I could not help him. He thought that because I was never there for him when it was all just starting he Could not trust me. Maybe he was right. I did not stop him. I let me son go.

I let him die.

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